As we left the little salon and said our goodbyes to a newly introduced friend I could feel the anxiety that had been building up. Mixed emotions flooded my mind some positive from stories and laughs that had been shared during our time there others more self pertaining and personal. Bringing up and sharing some of my own past experiences was new for me. Things I’ve tried to bury and forget for so long were being stirred up and opening myself up to a whole new level of vulnerability that at times made it hard to even breathe. Already overwhelmed with so much concern and love for the people here just trying to make a living for themselves; like our new Thai friend at the salon so bubbly, full of energy, and passionate for the work she did, and then to have my own sensory flashbacks taking me to places I did not want to be was almost more than I could take while still keeping my composure. Then as we all began to leave just as if all these unspoken things I was feeling had been broadcasted aloud she grabbed my hand.
She was another Thai woman that we had recently been introduced to but a new friend all the same. Having only met up with her twice and spoken a rather minimal amount of broken English/Thai between us the touch caught me off guard. A needed distraction that, as I settled down from the initial shock from the whole thing, made me realize the healing we hoped to be able to bring was just as much for ourselves as for the people of Thailand.
Such a simple heart felt and innocent gesture from what many would consider an almost stranger had been an immediate sign of God to me. As we walked down the narrow street we talked a little about the area, her life, animals, business, and other things, but mostly we just walked in silence.
She wanted nothing from me nor I from her an almost identical replication of the type of ministry we were practicing during our evenings to the red light districts. God was assuring me that just as she was able to make such an impact to me at a time I needed it that we were doing the same.
There is no way she could have known how or what I was feeling or the impact she’d have and I imagine, unless I were to get someone that could explain it, she never will, but I do. That random act of kindness helped me get through that moment and will be something that’s sticks with me long after this trip. It gave me so much insight into the type of ministry we are doing and the reassurance I needed to remember that we are not always going to know why things happen a certain way and we may not always feel that we are doing anything at all, but ultimately we are out here to serve Christ in whatever way he decides not how we feel it should look.
Proverbs 3:5 “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understandings. In all ways acknowledge him and he will guide your paths”
