God Used My Deepest Pain
“God often uses our deepest pain as the launching pad of our greatest calling”. This seemed to be a clear reiterated and delivered message for me during this trip.
When I started the process of pursuing a missions trip, Thailand had not been the original plan, or at least not my original plan, but God clearly had a different idea and in the end he set it in motion.
Knowing the purpose of this particular trip and it’s focus on the woman of Thailand specifically in regards to the sex trafficking industry I knew this would be a struggle. As a gang rape victim I came into this trip with a lot of anxiety. God has provided so much healing to me over the last fours years but was I ready to be in this type of environment? Would I be able to make a difference without hindering the trip with my own past experience? What triggers, flashbacks, and emotions would I face? I gave it all up to the Lord and trusted that everything would work out.
Only a couple days in and God has again reiterated to me that I am meant to do something with my experience. I believe that this trip partly is to help me heal, to help me share and relate to others that are or have been in similar situations. Although I am hesitant I know that God is watching over and protecting me. Jeremiah 29:11 reads “For I know the plans I have for you declares the Lord. Plans to prosper you and not to harm you. Plans to give you hope and a future.” Even in that darkest part of my life God had a plan.
I still don’t know the exact magnitude of what I am meant to do but it is clear that he wants me to use it to help share his love with others. I never could have made it through what I did without him I shouldn’t even be alive, but I’m here and although I still struggle sometimes, he is always there to comfort me. He has blessed me with so many things and opportunities, he has allowed me to have forgiveness for everything that has happened so there is no anger on my heart towards anyone, which has allowed me to have compassion on all people regardless of their situation.
We all as humans need love, we all have pain, and bad experiences but we cannot grow when we hold on to negative thoughts and feelings and we cannot change without being shown there is something better. I believe this trip is only the start of what God wants me to do and whether it’s to get me ready and become more comfortable and capable of sharing my story or whether it’s to already start and make an impact here I am still anxious lol and excited to see what else he has in store.
