Pre-conceived Notions

By – Andrea

Coming to Thailand I had many pre-conceived notions about the bar women,

the Johns, our role and the sex trade in general. Some of those things have been

confirmed and others have been totally shattered. I made assumptions based on

books I’ve seen and other documentaries I’ve seen and other trafficking/sex trade

presentations.

On my flights over I noticed many men flying solo-not necessarily single-but

solo. I couldn’t help but wonder what their intentions were in coming to Thailand. I

started to assume all of them were here for one reason-sex tourism. Later we

learned that the UN estimates that 60% of tourists entering Thailand are here for

sex tourism.

I couldn’t help but judge these men and while I understand there is always more

to the story/ situation than we see I couldn’t get passed it. I saw them as slimy,

disgusting men who were motivated by nothing more than their sex drives and

curiosity. These men were all ages, races, shapes, and sizes. My heart ached for

the women they were traveling to exploit. On our 2nd

I was part of the children’s ministry team. I didn’t know what to expect but any

expectations I did have were exceeded.

As I sat and colored with two of the daughters of the night market vendors I

observed the overwhelming atmosphere. Watching the men walk out of the bars

with the women they had purchased I cringed. The judgments and criticisms

flooded my mind and heart.

All of that changed when I saw a man about my dads age wearing shorts and

a plaid button-up shirt. This is my dad’s “uniform.” Everything I was thinking

about these scumbags was irrelevant. He was now human. I could see his eyes, his

face and body language. He wasn’t strutting proudly or confident like I thought he

would. He was uncomfortable, nervous and seemed insecure. I could see hurt and

pain in his eyes. It appeared as if he was ashamed.

Suddenly I realized that my criticism and judgment of these men was based

on misunderstanding. These men are lonely, hurting, desperate for love and

affection. I was reminded that women need love to desire sex but men need sex to

feel loved. I look at them and their delusions that these women want to be with

them. I wonder how they can possibly believe this woman wants to be where she is,

doing what she is doing. The word that has continued to come to me throughout

preparation for this trip is preparation. I thought that it only pertained to the

women- but I had a revelation that these men are also desperate.

We all need grace and understanding not condemnation and judgment. We

all have a story and we don’t know who these men or women got here but nothing

but the love can change the situation.

 night in Patpong on Tuesday

Under different circumstances that man in the plaid could have been my dad. In the

moment I had that revelation -everything changed. My heart softened and broke

for both the women in these bars but also for the men exploiting and abusing them.

I will leave Thailand tonight with a greater compassion and deeper under standing.