My expectations for the Thailand trip were a little mixed. On one hand, I really wanted to learn about prostitution in Thailand and hear some of the real stories and find the silver lining, however thin it was. I was also feeling a bit skeptical that anything we could do in one week would really matter. Anyone we met would most likely never see us again and that made me think it might all be in vain.
The first night of ministry I wasn't feeling so great, so I stayed back and was with the prayer team. God gave me a beautiful vision of the girls and customers in a bar turning into innocent children and I thought that must be how God sees them. We see creepy old men, inappropriately touching smiling little Thai women with eyes that speak of an inner horror, and we cringe, judge, and feel sick. But God sees the child He calls His own. He sees the truth and I was grateful that He shared that with me.
*Photo by Connie Rock.
The second night we went to visit a neighboring ministry and went out in small teams to the bars in the area. Thankfully I was feeling a little better so I got my first taste of the bars. I was so nervous! I was afraid of how I would react to what I would see. Could I handle it? Could I handle one night in the midst of such sadness and shame and lust?
The bar we went into was fairly empty and the girls were all in front of us on a raised dance floor with a few poles around the edges. They honestly weren't dancing too much, probably because there was no one to watch, but also because that wasn't the point. They were there to be judged on their looks and their desirability and they knew it. They were constantly looking in the mirrors on the walls, checking their hair, their bikini tops, their make-up.
*Photo by Connie Rock.
I made eye contact with one who looked exceptionally uncomfortable and extremely young. Don't get me wrong…. Asian people often look much younger than they are, but I could've sworn she was only 18. Her eyes were what struck me the most. They seemed full of sorrow and shame and seemed to say, "This is all I'll ever be and I hate myself for it."
We never got the chance to actually speak to her, so I thought I missed my only chance.
One night blown.
But then when we met up with the rest of the team, who were praying, I closed my eyes and immediately had a vision.
I saw the girl from the bar being slammed against a wall by a huge man, whose arms looked like the hulk. He was angry and screaming at her and she was crying and covering her face. Then she was in a swimming pool, swimming very slowly. The water turned dark and became the ocean. The waves were crashing around her and she was afraid and alone. Then, she found that she could stand up. As she did, her bikini turned into a wedding dress – white and sparkling, with long sleeves and lace details. She turned and walked up steps that were like clouds towards a Thai building, similar to a temple but with no altar. There, she met her groom, Jesus. He kissed her on the forehead and took her by the hand. As they began to walk into the building, she turned and mouthed the words "Thank you" to me.
So what's one night? I don't know for sure what one night meant for all the girls in that bar, but God shared something with me about that particular girl, with the deep eyes, that I believe is His perfect plan for her. I have prayed several times that that would become her reality and I trust God to move powerfully in her life. I will never know for sure and yet part of me truly believes I will see her in heaven and that one night will have meant eternity.
