PEACE & TRUST by Emily Loedding
Two words frequently on my heart the entire trip. Before I arrived in Bangkok I was torn with anger & anxiety – two things I normally wouldn’t use to describe myself. I struggled with anger towards the men (especially the western men) I would see here, and the situations and the stories I knew I would hear. I wrestled feelings of anxiety and dread that the Lord was absent in Bangkok, and maybe His sovereign hand skipped this broken city.
But – as He always does, the Lord broke me & my angry heart.
Matthew 6 & 7 were constantly on my mind while in Thailand. In these chapters (part of Jesus’ sermon on the mount) the Lord teaches us “The Cure for Anxiety” (6:25-34) and “Do Not Judge” (7:1-6) – two lessons I needed desperately throughout our ministry. As I absorb the truths and the guidance they provide, I feel my heart opening, changing, breaking. As I witness and practice these words out in the world I feel my soul changing. Who am I to look down upon someone whom my God loves? Who am I to question that His love is not present? Even in the darkest parts of earth when you feel more Hell than Heaven, He is still good and His love will always win.
But – fully trusting in the Lord is difficult. Why? Because we are control freaks (especially me) and when sadness and sorrow grip our hearts our human nature tells us to push back, to question, and to doubt. Yet, as I stand in this season of life that requires so much trust in Him to make it through, I feel my white-hot grip on my life loosening. I have met and fellowshipped with women who will forever hold a place in my heart. The women on my team and guided me and inspired me in ways I could never explain, and they make me want to love Jesus better. The women who run Rahab and NightLight and all other organizations fighting to bring the light and love of Jesus into the darkness are real life heroes. Even the women who work in the bars of PatPong, who are trapped by circumstances they cannot control, who are broken hearted and in search of real love – they are all champions for the Kingdom. We are all broken, we are all in need of a gracious Savior, and we are ALL daughters of the one true king.
Together I stand with these women as sisters who find themselves overwhelmed with unimaginable PEACE and unwavering TRUST in our everlasting Father, regardless of where we come from.
